Thursday, September 25, 2008

Grieving a loss that never was

red is as red doesImage by Grant MacDonald via FlickrLast week was tough. I didn't think it would be all that tough but after a few days it was and it was hard not to cry. The feelings of emptiness and loss came when I was by my self and that 's when my tears would make me break down and cry.

It feels as if I was /am grieving something that never was, because there was no "real" baby yet. Still I felt life inside of me and now I don't feel anything. Nothing, only an empty feeling inside. I was so sure this would be a little girl, I was completely sure. Now I could get pregnant and it could be either because I don't feel anything. It's a strange feeling. All of a sudden I feel just like normal but in between something happened and it wasn't as it used to be.

The only thing that kept me calm and that has helped me immensely is my faith. Without my faith I would probably be crying a whole lot more and asking why? Now I know that God has a plan for my life and that His plans are not the same as ours. I ask God to reveal to me the purpose of this suffering but I might never know and it is still OK.

The LORD is my light and my salvation—
whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid? Psalm 27:1
I read this verse several times a day and even have it up on my fridge. This is what gives me strength in times of trouble and I give thanks everyday.

Everything will be OK but healing takes time.


Amy, a redeemed sheep said...

You are glorifying God by sharing your trust in Him. He is worthy of all glory, praise and honor....All the time. The healing does take time. I am grateful to have a God who cares and gives us hope during the difficult times. Jesus was aquatinted with grief. He understands....